What is your response when you think about a conversation or situation and anticipate conflict? Do you dive in and tackle it head-on? Do you avoid it, hoping it resolves itself or just simply goes away? In our personal and professional lives, we all have to deal with some level of conflict. Conflict doesn’t mean coming to physical blows with someone or acts of violence; it is also the act of withholding information, denying someone access, or simply ignoring someone or something.
As humans, we are wired to scan our environments for threats to our safety – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. This ability is an act of our subconscious; often, we aren’t even aware it is happening. Most of us become aware of it after the conversation or situation occurs, and we are unable to get the results we want. Here are my top three tips on how to navigate difficult conversations.
#1 – Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail
It takes practice to fully embody the skills required to navigate a crucial conversation successfully. One of the first steps to ensuring success is planning your conversation. Of course, the conversation may not go 100% according to plan, and you might have to try a few times before you get the results you’re looking for. Planning is the first step to staying grounded and leading the conversation where you ultimately want it to go.
Planning allows us to explore questions like:
“What is it I need to share?”
“Why?”
“What is my hope for the other person?”
“What might they misunderstand?”
“What might they say?”
#2 – Be Aware of Both Your Intention and Your Impact
Remember that we all have a response (silence or violence) when we feel unsafe. A lack of safety occurs when what you say doesn’t match why I think you’re saying it. Another way to say it is when our INTENT doesn’t match our IMPACT. When you notice you or someone else moving towards either silence or violence, remember to step back and clarify what your INTENT is for this conversation.
Building safety starts with intention — What is it I really want for myself, the other person, this project and our company?
#3 – Take a Break
Give yourself and others permission to step in and out of the conversation content as often as you need to in order to maintain safety and open dialogue. Listening to and understanding the stories we all tell ourselves is the key to addressing the feelings inside a conversation. Once we understand another’s perspective and story, we can practice empathy, explore options, and move forward with a resolution.
The path to action begins with a set of facts, which we interpret as our story, which causes us to feel something, and then we take action.
Further reading on this topic …
- 6 Ways to Practice Empathy in Difficult Conversations
- 3 Ways to Increase Your Self-Awareness
- Harvard Business Review article How to Respectfully Discuss Contentious Issues at Work
I write these articles to support leaders in becoming more effective by embracing all parts of themselves and increasing their capacity to practice empathy.
Thank you for being here.
